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KINSELLA: Pierre Poilievre can win the party but lose the country

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Can’t imagine it?

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If Cecil B. DeMille were still around, directing a big-screen revival of his 1958 epic The Ten Commandments, Stephen Harper would play Charlton Heston’s Moses.

He would be good at that, wouldn’t he?

The much-missed Senator Doug Finley would be cast as Yul Brynner’s pharaoh Ramses II, Moses’ adoptive brother. There would be respect and affection in the relationship between Moses and Ramses, despite the biblical exile and punishments.

To update the resulting big-screen drama, there would be a new scene where Harper/Moses descend from their 40-day retreat on Mount Sinai, brandishing the new commandments of the Conservative Party of Canada.

Among them: You will not reopen the abortion debate. And: Remember law and order and keep it holy and don’t embrace conspiracy theorists and convoy racists who break the law. And: You won’t have any other currency, Bitcoin in particular. And: Thou shalt not take the name of the central banking system in vain.

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And, most importantly: You will not kill the brand of the conservative party.

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Moses/Harper would descend from Mount Sinai and wave around his New Conservative Commandments, and Ramses/Finley would cast a sinister eye in his direction.

“You preach, big boy, but the party don’t buy,” Ramses/Finley would say. “Sorry.”

Watching the Conservative Party leadership debate this week — because my Cleopatra columnist, Adrienne Batra, insisted I do — my mind naturally wandered to the big-screen version of it. And writing.

Because a debate did indeed take place, despite thousands of interruptions from moderator Tom Clark, who was presiding over a case that had the production values ​​of a high school musical (a bad one.) On stage, it was Pierre Poilievre vs. Everyone else, pretty much. And it was obvious that Peter had already shattered the Harper/Moses commandments.

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Pierre is busy recreating the Conservative Party in his image, you see. And – although he probably succeeds – the resulting abomination will not. Under Pierre Poilievre, defeat at the hands of Justin Trudeau (who is hateful, but not as hateful as Pierre) is certain.

Watching the debate, disgruntled conservatives were given all the evidence they needed. Pierre says he is now somewhat pro-choice – but he will always let social-conservative MPs propose laws to kill abortion rights.

He says he’s for law and order — but he’ll be there, in a Liberal attack ad soon to hit a screen near you, talking about those who disfigured a statue of Terry Fox, danced on the National War Memorial, robbed a soup kitchen, threatened citizens of Ottawa wearing law-abiding masks, held an entire city hostage and blocked our borders, costing billions of dollars to the country in trade. Not so law and order, that.

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Oh, and there’s also Pierre on stage, pimping Bitcoin Ponzi schemers, whose digital ‘currency’ has lost half its value since November – and defaming the mild-mannered guy who runs the Bank of Canada, whose one and only mission is to keep Canadians from losing their homes and their life savings.

Why is Pierre Poilievre so obsessed with Bitcoin and central banks? Beat me. But he sounds crazier than an outside rodent when he talks (and continues) about either. Do you think Peter has the power to make eggs and ground beef cheaper? Of course not. No politician can do that. But Peter, whose ego is Biblically huge, thinks he has superpowers.

Anyway. Others were on stage in Edmonton, but you would never know. Jean Charest looked 110 years old, but he was also the only guy who looked like a prime minister. Patrick Brown is a bad speaker, but he sells subscriptions like hotcakes. Scott Aitchison is a nice guy, but we all know where nice guys end up. A few others were on stage, but no matter: they are crazy. Pierre will always win the party, but lose the country.

In the final scene of Cecile B. De Mille’s revival of The Ten Commandments, Moses/Harper lingers outside Center Block, while Rameses/Finley smokes.

Ramses/Finley looks at sullen Moses/Harper, then says, “You’re still the only one who can lead these idiots into the promised land of power, big boy.”

Dramatic break.

“But this movie is not going to have a happy ending. Sorry.”

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